Remain Calm

This morning I returned home from my folks' house with my wife and two younger kids (8 and 4), after staying over night there. We had decided to drive up (a little over three hours) to surprise my mother on her birthday. She was thrilled and we all had a great time, but she wasn't the only one in for a surprise.

We had asked my 19 year old, who is generally very responsible and a great influence on his younger sibs, to feed the dogs and keep an eye on the house. When we returned, our house looked like it had hosted a small frat party. There were beer cans stacked on the counter and it smelled something like a field had been burned, but not exactly like that.

I was not a happy camper.

As my little ones headed straight for their rooms and we gave my son and his friends a chance to express clean (and my wife had a surprisingly restrained but clear and penetrating conversation with him), I went to the store to get some scented candles. This was as much to cool down as to get the smell out of the house.

By the time I returned, he was having a tearful (both of them) and deeply apologetic conversation with my younger son (who, by the way busted him when my wife told him "people make mistakes" and he, quite properly corrected her with "It's not a mistake if he did it on purpose." She corrected her statement telling him that people make bad choices and then have the obligation to correct the effects of those choices.)

I had clients to work with and then band practice scheduled. By the time I was done, I had not only gotten some perspective, but I saw that he had done all that he could to repair the damage with the rest of the family, especially my younger son.

We are still going to have a conversation about this later.

But I'm glad I didn't have it right away. We're both better off (as is the relationship) because I had the opportunity to remain calm before speaking, and because I did.

And so is my blood pressure.